The Most Difficult Job in the World
by stranger12
Summary: [Post Civil War] Steve was this close from screaming


**Captain America: Civil War – The Most Difficult Job in the World**

Steve was this close from screaming

* * *

Most people who had only known the Steve Rogers after the ice could only see the shining shield, the immaculate uniform, the born leader. Most people did not include Sam Wilson, Steve's closest friend in the new world, who could see how normal Steve actually was, and long before they fought and bled for one another. Sam was a good guy, so much was obvious for anyone who saw his bright smiles and was the recipient of his generosity.

What not everyone saw right away was that Sam Wilson? Could be such a little shit, and people used to call Steve a difficult person to handle.

Enter Steve's first, oldest, best friend, James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky. The Winter Soldier.

The premier asshole from Brooklyn who's once made it his business to save Steve's life while continuously raising hell for their enemies (whether they were a bully in an alley to a German soldier). The same asshole that Steve should have known, because damnit, Bucky knew him and he knew him, and of course he'd take great offense at some random guy being Steve's friend.

One thing that all the brainwashing in the world could not, had not changed was that Bucky Barnes? The most selfish, petty, childish best friend in the world – no matter that he could barely remember Steve from before his Fall, somewhere in his wildest, most obscure memories, he had claimed Steve as his and his alone, and no one could just waltz in and take his God given place as his Best Friend.

As soon as they had all settled in Wakanda, and Steve convinced Bucky not to 'go under' again, things seemed to settle down.

That should have been his first sign.

During the entire Zemo mess, Steve had obviously noticed how much Bucky and Sam bickered and fought, but things hadn't clicked for him until sometime during their first week in Wakanda.

Poor Wanda was having trouble in her new environment, not that Steve could blame her, Scott was as charming as usual (Steve knew that the frequent video calls with his daughter and friends back in the US, thanks to King T'Challa's continuous assistance), and Clint was all smiles with his children and lovely wife (Tony had had a hand in that one, and Steve had sent him all the emojis in thanks).

Sam and Bucky, though, were locked in an odd staring contest. Steve looked at Scott, but the former thief only shrugged, mouth full of pancakes.

"Everything okay here?" – Captain America asked slowly, sitting at the head of the table as usual, Sam on his right, Bucky on his left.

"Couldn't be better" – Falcon replied with a quick grin, not looking away from Bucky.

"Yeap, all bright and shiny here" – the former Howling Commando answered, expression still closed off, eyes on Sam's.

"Are you sure? It looks like you two are about to tango or something"

"Don't go playing with us, Rogers"

"Yeah, punk, stay out of it"

"I... Don't even know what's– Oh no. No, guys!"

"Steve?" – Wanda questioned softly, sweet, innocent face twisted in concern at his obvious distress.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry, Wanda, it's not– It's nothing serious, I just–" – he sighed – "It's these two dummies" – at that, she relaxed and smiled a little.

"They have been like this since they came down. I believe it is a manner of honor between men" – she rolled her eyes – "I have seen many boys doing the same thing"

"We ain't boys"

"We're men"

"Look like a couple of kids to me, and I would know" – Clint quipped, winking at his indulgent wife.

"Yes you would, dear"

"I don't like this" – Steve said, huffing.

"They're just fooling around" – Scott intervened from a couple of seats away from Sam – "Weren't they like this before, in Germany? I feel like they were"

"No, they–" – Steve paused – "Okay, fine, they were, but we are not– And this is not– It doesn't even make any sense!"

"It does not?" – Wanda tilted her head and Steve had to marvel at how her eyes sparkled in mischief – "We have said so, they are boys, and boys do not like to share"

"Share what?" – Clint snorted while trying to feed one of his kids.

"You, oh, captain"

"Excuse me?"

"It's like this, man" – Scott began, grabbing his coffee mug – "Bucky is your bestest friend from way back when, and Sam is your bestie from, you know, these days, so of course they're being" – he waved a hand at the glaring duo – "You're a smart guy, Steve, c'mon"

"... You two are ridiculous" – the blond said between gritted teeth.

"Your face is ridiculous" – Bucky shot back – "Pretty boy"

"Should see 'im under the morning Sun, man, that smile" – Sam whistled – "Sun itself backs down"

"Nah, that's always been like that, even the meanest bully back in Brooklyn didn't go after the punk when he smiled just so"

"Well, what do you prefer, man?" – Scott asked over the duo trading stories about how Steve was wonderful and a little troublemaking fucker – "Them not getting along, or getting along all too well?"

"..."

"Can we get some more waffles over here? The Steve Rogers Fan Club is hording them all" – Clint called out from the other end of the table.

Sam slid it over, not even breaking from telling Bucky about the one time Tony insisted on taking them all to a strip club.

"It was very disconcerting" – Wanda commented.

"All the girls loved you, what're you talking about?" – Sam complained.

"I believe they loved Steve much more"

"Okay, but that's obvious, who wouldn't" – Scott added – "I mean. Well. I mean! If I were gonna go gay for someone–"

"Wow, wow" – Bucky exclaimed just as Sam also turned to Ant Man – "Are you hitting on Steve?"

"Really? Really, Scott?" – Sam narrowed his eyes – "Just like that?"

"Guys, guys! What did I do!"

"You don't just come out and start hitting on MY best friend!"

"Or mine!"

"He's MY best friend, FALCON"

"Ah, no, he's MY best friend, WINTER IS COMING"

"I don't know what that means"

"Of course you don't, you won't catch up to recent pop culture"

"It does not erase the fact that you are wrong"

"I am not wrong! Steve is my–!"

"No, he's my–!"

"Eh, who needs Tony Stark" – Clint commented with a snort – "We've got our very own comedy duo"

Steve groaned and rested his head on the table.


End file.
